Short video about online interactive coaching for mental wellbeing

How to Overcome Anxiety No. 1 - How you think affects the way you feel.

How to Overcome Anxiety

No. 1 - How you think affects the way you feel.

It’s fairly common to find that many people associate how they feel is affected by what happens to them. For example, if you have someone at work, such as your boss, who is rude to you, you may decide that they make you cross. In addition, you may also think that because of this behaviour you are made to behave differently than you would otherwise do, for example, you might shun the person, not speak to them, get in a bad mood.

Coaching can help put a different perspective on this and help you to understand your thinking or beliefs are positioned somewhere between what has happened to you (the event) and the resultant feelings and behaviour. In summary, what we think, believe and the meaning we give an event affects our emotions and the ultimate behavioural responses (our actions).

Looking at the above example again, coaching can help you realize that the rude work colleague actually does not have a responsibility for making you cross and for your behaviour of not talking to them. In effect, what you are telling yourself is that your work colleague is being deliberately rude to just you individually, thereby giving a meaning to their behaviour that makes yourself cross and non-communicative.

Taking all this into account, you will realize that your emotional and behavioural responses are influenced by the meaning you give to each event. If you think about how a positive event makes you feel, i.e. happy and excited, this becomes much clearer. On the other hand, a negative event or situation can lead to feelings or thoughts of sadness or even anxiety. Thinking negatively about negative events is quite often unhelpful, not useful, unbalanced and not realistic and may leave you with disturbed feelings. In coaching terms, ‘disturbed feelings’ can mean that your negative response is not helping you to come to terms with the negative event.

During coaching, it is the job of the coach is to help you to identify thoughts, beliefs and meanings that you may have attached to negative events that have left you feeling disturbed. Just imagine how you would feel if you replace negative meanings with more helpful and realistic meanings to events that have or could have happened to you, wouldn’t you experience less negative and disturbing emotional and behavioural thoughts and feelings.

For example, if you boss was rude to you, you might think that he was just having a bad day, or was under a lot of pressure or had a row with his partner that morning rather than thinking that his rudeness was specifically directed at you.

Thinking and feeling also heavily influence how you behave or act. If you are feeling anxious you are likely to avoid certain situations and people that may make you uncomfortable. This behaves causes problems in many ways, such as:

• Avoidance behaviours, such as avoiding certain situations that you feel may be a source of danger or alarming, such as going to a party or a large meeting, deny you the opportunity to face your fears and defeat them.
• Self-destructive behaviours, such as drinking, smoking and eating too much, or worse still, using drugs to dispel the feelings of anxiety, can end up leading to physical damage to your wellbeing.
• Isolating behaviours, such as staying away from parties or meetings and/or cocooning yourself in the perceived comfort of your home, will add to your feelings of being alone and possibly make you feel depressed.

You may recognize some of these behaviours and remember occasions when they have happened to you. You may also have recalled your thoughts and the way they can make you feel anxious and affect what you do and how you felt. Conversely, you might not have noticed them at all, which is partly due to your thoughts, of which there are many different kinds, and partly because you have no reason for articulating them into words. Usually, expressing your thoughts can actually make things worse and create an anxious reaction and, after all, you are not likely to tell people how foolish you appeared to be.

However, it is essential that you know about the different thinking patterns in order that you may be able to analyse them when they occur. Thoughts can appear as perceptions, ideas, certain attitudes, images, memories, reactions, beliefs, value judgements or even assumptions. All of these emulate what is going on in your mind in contrasting ways and they can all be responsible for perpetuating the vicious cycles that keep you feeling anxious. What is worse is that this is true even when you are not fully alert to their presence either cognitively or when you try to put them into words.

Your thinking may have come from your formative years, i.e. when you were younger and impressionable, and may be affecting how you think today and to some extent become semi-formed ideas which you are unable to translate into words. This is particularly true when you think about yourself and your memories of events that have happened to you in the past, such as being rejected by a potential date, or being bullied at school or the subject of ridicule or criticism.

For example, the youngest child in a family will admit to still feeling a baby or a child when they talk to their parents or siblings. This may also manifest itself into feelings of inferiority and insignificance when faced with senior colleagues at work. The interesting thing here is that even though these events are happening in the present and are based on past events, the person who has these thoughts may not be immediately aware of them.

Anxious people commonly expect to be judged and this expectation creates an attitude that shapes the way you think about things rather than having just a thought. Many people report that negative beliefs about oneself, such as inferior, worthless, unacceptable or unsuitable often generate feelings of low confidence (‘I’ll never be any good at that’). This affirms a lack of belief in yourself and, in addition, incorrectly places others above you on the social ladder, i.e. they are more confident than me, they always get things right or they are successful. People also report that they believe ‘others’ are always judging them, watching out for their weaknesses, and analyzing their every move.

If this is what you have come to believe then you have developed a set of rules for how you think and behave and you generally will operate within these self-induced boundaries. For example, if you make a mistake people will never forgive you, they might reject you or severely criticize you. Ultimately, these rules for thinking isolate you and exacerbate your anxious feelings and perpetuate the cycle of negative thinking without ever having the opportunity to confront your fears and break free.

Next Chapter: How to Spot Errors in Your Thinking.

This special report was written by Steve Scott, accredited life, business and executive coach, of Stepping Stones Coaching and Chatting-Scott Partnership LLP. You may reproduce this report as long as it is in full and includes this resource box. ©

Life Coaching And The Meaning Of Life

Life Coaching And The Meaning Of Life

 What is the meaning of life? We all strive to know what our purpose is. We all have unanswered questions in our minds. In order to reach a step closer to answering these questions, we can seek help from individuals like life coaches. Life coaching is different from consultants and therapists. Life coaches can help you improve certain areas of your life like your relationships, career, education and maybe even your spirituality. Seeing a life coach does not necessarily mean you have difficulties, it just means that you want clarity.

 Have you ever noticed how some of your best ideas come when you’re clear minded, rather than when you’re constantly in worry?  You’ve got to do more than just wonder and wait for the answer to manifest itself.

 Some people live their lives pretending to be someone they are not. It is important to strive for authenticity in yourself so that you can truly find your place and value in this world. The life coach can either help you in the planning process or help you execute your life goals. If you would like to learn more about life coaches or begin seeing one, visit http://www.stepping-stones-coaching.com

An autobiography of depression and recovery

Insiders: Outsiders - Personal Journeys Through Depression

 Insiders Outsiders is a glimpse into the debilitating illness that is clinical depression, from both the author’s own personal experiences of it and those of others who have known it either as sufferers (‘insiders’) or ‘outsiders’ – people who have lived with or cared for sufferers.

 It is a series of stark and bleak accounts of the pain and anxiety inherent in this still much misunderstood mental illness, yet also a tale of courage, self-development and redemption.

 The autobiographical element, charting Scott’s road to breakdown and ‘slow climb’ back to recovery, is very moving, and it is especially interesting to read how his wife Jennie travelled her own journey on the ‘outside’ and how she was affected by his illness.

"What is arguably most unique about this book is its very positive perspective on a negative theme – Scott describes his depression as a ‘gift’ that will enable him to help others, and his attempts to understand its origins seem to be also an attempt to lessen its power over him."

Despite some necessarily dark moments, the only real ‘negative’ in the story is his attitude towards mental healthcare in this country, which is really constructive criticism and so more positive than it might initially seem.

Finally, there is a very interesting perspective through the eyes of a professional and experienced psychotherapist, who puts her own views on the individual accounts and how and why depression has been manifested and sustained.

 About the author

Steve Scott was born on a tough council estate in Gosport, Hampshire, in 1958 and this is where he spent the first part of his younger life. With his family, he had three-year spells in both Gibralter and Malta, his father being in the Ministry of Defence. He eventually moved to Plymouth in 1970 where he completed his education and began his career in retailing. With his wife, Jennie, he moved to South Africa in 1982, initially on a 3 year contract with a major South African retailer. Because they enjoyed the climate and the lifestyle they decided to stay on an extra 2 years but the call of ‘home’ beckoned and they returned to Plymouth in 1987. Steve resumed his career in retailing, concentrating on logistics this time, a job that he initially loved and was passionate about. In 2005, Steve had a major breakdown and had to give up this job but has since reincarnated himself as a self-employed life and business coach.

The Road to Recovery

The Road to Recovery 

The recovery approach to anxiety and depression emphasises opportunities for the return of a person’s quality of life and positive identity. In this case, recovery does not mean that sufferers are free of symptom, but that they create the ability to live well in the presence or absence of their anxiety and/or depression. Recovery, therefore, is a liberating concept, that promotes optimistic attitudes and expectations and is focused on the person’s ability to recovery.

The Business Coaching Process

The Business Coaching Process Before coaching takes place, it is important for the employee, manager and coach to reach an agreement regarding the desired outcome of the coaching relationship.Once the employee is confident enough and believes that he will benefit from the coaching process, then a meeting is arranged for the employee to complete a preference guide, which is designed to help identify the best learning option suited to meet the employee’s developmental needs. Based on the information provided during the meeting, the employee is then presented with a number of different coaches. The employee will then assess the coaches through interviews and select the one that suits him the most. Selecting the appropriate coach is a crucial step in the coaching engagement. When the coaching process begins, the coach will gather information about the employee’s values, interests, behaviour, goals and opportunities to enhance development. This could be in the form of a questionnaire or face-to-face conversation. The coach will then decide on the appropriate coaching process. A midpoint employee assessment is then conducted to track the progress of the employee as he goes through the coaching process. This will determine whether to suspend or continue the coaching relationship. The employee is then given a final assessment form. This information is made confidential and only general data is sent to the coach. The last step in the business coaching process is a follow-up assessment, which is normally introduced six months to a year after the coaching contract has lapsed.

Help With Depression Part 12 - Ask for Help

Help With Depression Part 12 - Ask for Help

We all have mental health and we are all humans. Everyone can get overwhelmed at times by what is going on around them or within their head. Not everything goes according to plan, or always goes right or we always feel well. From time to time things will go awry and we feel like we are not in control and cannot cope and it is during these times we need to ask for help.

Your family and friends may be the right people to talk to but there are many other options as well, such as:

·      Support groups for weight, alcohol or drugs

·      Coaches, counselors, or therapists

·      Citizen advice bureau

·      Mental health charities, such as MIND, the Depression Alliance, the Mental Health Foundation and Stand to Reason

·      The Samaritans

·      Local authorities

Speak to your GP if you think your mental health is being affected and is affecting your relationships with others, your work and your overall health. Over a third of all visits to the GP’s are about mental health so there is no need to feel embarrassed or alone.

Help With Depression Part 11 - Take a Break

Help With Depression Part 11 - Take a Break

Sometimes we can be so involved in our work and busy life that we forget to take a break. Sometimes we kid ourselves we take a break when we eat lunch at the desk or have hot drinks on the go, but this is an illusion and is detrimental to good mental health. What it really needs is a change of scenery, a short walk, a sit down during housekeeping, or even a long weekend away. This is the time you can de-stress and have some much needed ‘me time’.

Taking a break may mean taking part in some activity or it could mean just sitting on a perk bench and watching the world go by. Either way, you are taking a break from your normal activities and will help you experience a change and a chance to think about something new or not very much at all.

Many people find yoga or meditation helpful for relaxation but just putting your feet up for 10 minutes or so can be as equally helpful. If you feel tired, have a power nap, tiredness can really lower our mood and resilience. Make sure you get enough sleep and wake up naturally wherever possible. Don’t skimp on rest and relaxation at the expense of getting everything done on your to-do list. Even when you are on death’s bed, there will still be things you will not have ticked off that never ending list. Sometimes the world can wait until you come back from your break.

Life Coach To The Rescue!

Life Coach To The Rescue!

There are times when you can simply just lose track because of huge changes like divorces, retirement and job changes. During those times, you may need an extra motivational voice that will help you get back up again and continue with your life. What if your life is just fine but you are seeking more? You want to find more value and passion in everything you do? That life coach can help you see things differently, seek alternatives and figure out what may be missing in your life.

The path towards personal development can either be a simple one or a rough one. It would only seem smart to have an expert on board with you, guiding you along the way. A life coach does not make every single decision for you. Instead, a life coach provides support and accountability so that you can discover the best in you and act upon your dreams. If you’re looking for that extra push, you will definitely find it with the help of a life coach. If you are seeking a life coach, feel free to surf the Internet for well-qualified coaches. You can find more information on life coaches at: http://www.stepping-stones-coaching.com

Help With Depression Part 10 - Do Something Creative

Help With Depression Part 10 - Do Something Creative

In addition to learning a new skill, many of us have existing pastimes that we love doing but sometimes don’t get chance to practice. Lots of people like being creative, developing things from scratch and enjoying the process of completing a task. Enjoying yourself while you do this beats stress and boosts your self-esteem. It gives you a focus and purpose that helps you forget the worries on your mind or the difficult times at work. Being creative is consuming and leaves little room in your mind for anything else.

Doing something creative also means that for a while you are not an employee. A manager, a father or a partner, you are just you doing something you enjoy. At the same time, being creative allows you to express yourself in different ways, such as drawing, painting, building or planting for example.

You may meet different people while you are doing and again expanding your band of friends and colleagues with similar interests.

Life Coaches Give a Helping Hand

Life Coaches Give a Helping Hand

You are so overwhelmed with life. You need a coach. No, not a sports coach just someone similar, who can help you manage all upcoming games in your life. What is so beneficial about life coaching? How could the help from another individual help you take an effective action in life?

Friends are great for going out with and socialising but sometimes, friends are not around enough to truly understand your needs in life. Family members are wonderful for love and support but most of the time they have more things to take care of than to worry about the details of your life. This is why life coaching can truly be beneficial to you.  A life coach’s job is to only be dedicated towards helping you figure out what you want in your life and helping you actual achieve these goals.

The work of a life coach is almost parallel when compared to the work of a coach for a sports’ team. If you’ve lost all drive and motivation, a life coach can help you figure out the root of your issues to fix it. If you have a goal but you don’t know which direction to take, a life coach can help you in the vision planning process.

Help With Depression Part 9 - Learn a New Skill

Help With Depression Part 9 - Learn a New Skill

Learning a new skill can be like learning to walk again. It exposes you to new concepts, new ideas, new experiences and can be great fun along the way. Many of us have things we have always wanted to do but never got around to it. What is yours and consider what it is that has stopped us pursuing our dream. Usually, the obstacle or barrier that has got in the way is in our head rather than anything else. Change your mindset, believe you can actually do what you want, that you can learn that new skill, such as learning a new language, or fly fishing, or a musical instrument.

Learning a new skill can also bring you into contact with other like-minded people and expand the number of friends you have. The learning process will help you focus on other things than just your own wellbeing, it broadens your knowledge and experiences and helps you become rounded and grounded.

When you are in the process of learning, you will experience a sense of achievement and ultimately success when you have mastered the new skill and this will further feed your feelings of self-worth, self-confidence and personal value.

Help With Depression Part 8 - Get Involved, Make a Contribution

As well as voluntary work, as mentioned above, taking an active part in family life, with your friends, the community and in the workplace can really enhance your sense of belonging and give you purpose in your life. Rather than shrinking away from these activities, throw yourself into them with real enthusiasm, be the instigator or organizer and watch how you self-esteem and self-confidence grows.

For example, hold dinner parties or arrange a barbeque and invite everyone along. You will be surprised how your value grows within you and how you are valued by others. Overcome the fear of failure and do it anyway, the perception is always greater than the reality.

In the workplace, build your enthusiasm for projects and events by taking a lead part, grow your reputation amongst your peers and colleagues and revel in the involvement

Doing something positive will develop positive thoughts and help you to be mentally healthy. This will in turn, build your resilience to difficult times and stand you in good stead for maintaining a healthy balanced mind and body.

Help With Depression Part 7 - Care for Others

There will be times when people around you need help and support and someone to listen to their troubles. Helping others in their time of need can be very rewarding and uplifting for you and help you forget about your difficulties at the same time. Caring for others is part of developing and maintaining a close relationship you have with them, it can draw you closer together.
You can even extend the concept of caring for others by volunteering to work with charities or organizations helping those less fortunate. You will feel needed and valued for the work you do and will enhance your levels of self-worth and self-confidence. In addition, it will help you see that you are not the only one with needs and will add a new dimension to your world, one that will put everything into perspective.

Caring for others can include pets. Many people believe that looking after pets can improve your own mental wellbeing, can be fun and enjoyable. Most pet owners describe how they develop a strong bond between themselves and their pets, a bond that can cut the feeling of isolation and loneliness. Walking a dog, for example, will help you meet many new people with a similar interest and get you out of the house and provide that daily exercise.

Help With Depression Part 6 - Keep in Touch With Family and Friends

The stresses of life can feel much easier with the love and support of close family and good friends. Being among family and friends will give you a sense of inclusion and of being cared for, they can provide different perspectives on what you may be going through, offer advice or personal experience that may be relevant for you. They can also help you follow the steps in this guide and even hold you accountable for what you are doing and the progress you are making.

With all the different ways of staying in touch these days, there is no excuse for being isolated. Having family and friends around will give you pleasure and fun and help ward of those negative feelings. It’s good to talk!

Concentrate your efforts on those relationships with people that make you feel good or loved or valued. If someone is adversely affecting your mental health it may be better if you can avoid them or make contact as infrequent as possible. If necessary break the relationship in a way that is okay for both of you.

At times during life, you may lose someone close to you and it is natural to grieve and mourn their passing. However, it is unnatural for these feelings to last a long time so it is important that you talk about how you are feeling to either your family, close friends or even a counselor or coach.

Help With Depression Part 5 - Talk About Your Feelings

Contrary to what you may believe, talking about your feelings is very mentally healthy and will help you deal with difficult times. Talking to others about what you are going through means you are taking control of your wellbeing and doing what you can to stay healthy. It is not a sign of weakness; it is rather a sign of strength.

The old saying “two heads are better than one” is so true, talking to others about how you are feeling can help you cope with your situation and, in addition, it releases the thoughts whirling around in your brain going nowhere. Just to have someone listen to you can fill you with a sense of support and care and make you feel less lonely. Communication is a two-way process and by opening up yourself you will also likely encourage others to do the same.

Describing your thoughts and feelings to others can be difficult initially so its worth using lots of different words rather than trying to select just one. Drawing pictures is another way of expressing how you might be feeling and will help the other person understand better.

It will help you to talk about how you are feeling if you develop the conversation naturally rather than plan it, in situations where you are doing something together, say over a cup of tea or out walking. For the first time it may make you feel awkward but give it time, choose your moment and it will get easier once you start. You will feel very relieved once you have done and it will be much easier next time.

Help With Depression Part 4 - Value Yourself and Others

When you look around you, you will notice that some people are good at one thing, such as making people laugh, or several things, such as cookery, gardening, sport, and so on. We are all unique and just because we might not have the same skills as others does not mean that we can undervalue ourselves. Everyone has something they are good at but not everyone recognizes the abilities within themselves. It is much healthier to accept you are unique than be jealous of what someone has got.

By valuing yourself for who you are and for who others are, will boost your sense of self-worth and self-confidence, allow you to grow and develop new skills, go to new places, meet new friends and fulfill your potential. These feelings will help you when circumstances change and you are challenges with life’s stresses and strains.

Concentrate on what you are good at but also accept and recognize what you are not so good at, be proud and value yourself for what you are and what you can do. For those things that you might want to change, be realistic about what you are able to achieve and take small but regular steps towards your goal.

Help With Depression 3 -Only Drink in Moderation

Alcohol is often drunk to help change our mood or to help relaxation. For some, it helps reduce fear and a feeling of loneliness but whatever the reason for consuming it, the effect is short-lived. After drinking you will feel worse due to the manner in which alcohol withdrawal symptoms affect the brain and the rest of the body. Alcohol is not an effective way to help deal with difficult feelings and emotions. Like any addiction, the more frequently you drink alcohol the more you need to produce the same short-term effect and the more your body and brain is damaged.
However, occasional light drinking in moderation is perfectly healthy and enjoyable for the majority. The recommended daily limits are as follows and you would be wise to stick within these guidelines: -  Three to four units a day for men. In addition to alcohol, many people use nicotine and/or drugs to alter their mood but as with alcohol, the effect is very short lived and creates a craving for yet more. Neither of these solve the problems you need help with but rather create new ones to deal with. 　- Two to three units a day for women

Insiders: Outsiders: by Stephen Scott (Paperback) (ISBN: 9781907172205) | Word Power Books

Insiders: Outsiders: by Stephen Scott (Paperback) (ISBN: 9781907172205) Word Power Books

Help With Depression Part 2 - Eat Well.

Help With Depression Part 2 - Eat Well.

There is much evidence to prove that what we eat affects how we feel, just think about how that cup of coffee and a spoonful of sugar affects you almost instantly. But food can have a long lasting affect on your mental health and your brain needs a good mixture of essential nutrients to stay in shape and to function effectively, just as your body does.
A well-balanced diet that is good for your body is also good for your brain and, ultimately, your mental health. A healthy diet could include:
- Lots of water
- Oily fish
- A wide variety of vegetables and fruit
- Wholegrain cereals and bread
- Raw nuts and seeds
- Dairy products (in moderation)

Your diet need not look like the picture below. There are many books available on what food is good for you and the wide variety of ways they can be cooked or served. Eat at least three good meals a day and drink plenty of water. Restrict the amount of alcohol, caffeine and sugary drinks as these can have a detrimental effect on you.